Intake and prep

Today is here. A culmination of years narrowed down to weeks, days and hours. Last night had some anxiety and wakefulness, but not as bad as the previous night. It is surreal and difficult to gauge what I have been feeling this last week or so. Is this what it feels like to be fully ensconced in God’s peace, it gives you the strength to keep moving forward, even in the face and fear of life risks (to put it gently). Or is it more human and I am on auto pilot, resigned or determined to keep moving forward as this seems to be the only option to a future for me. In the last few days I have tried to get words out, not with my heart laid bare the way I did before, but just to desperately seek out my army for prayer. This morning I have had a lot of encouragement and messages, guidance and love, which has opened my heart again to share more personally on this journey. Thursday and Friday of last week were my breaking points. An utter collapse of grief and fear while trying to find the strength to take the final steps on this journey. The darkness felt like giving up, all encompassing and exhaustive. Communication had been poor with Costa Rica and I felt incredibly vulnerable. Was I risking my life? Improperly caring for the valuable and treasured body God has bestowed on me? But in the darkness of feeling unsafe with the destination and the process, with everything stripped away, I can feel that when all else is taken away, I am truly and fully in God’s care. There is no one else to rely on. I understand this and feel comfort as this is how it should be. This has been a journey of prayer. It’s been long, arduous, emotional and hard fought. Jeff reminded me this was not a quick decision made on a gut instinct or a rash decision, but something that has been a long time coming, with extensive seeking and prayer. So here I am, on the doorstep to another momentous, life altering decision, the biggest one thus far by a huge leap. We pray this is truly and finally the miracle and answer we have been searching for and needing to restore an abundant life.

Thank you for being my prayer when I can’t find the words. For holding me up when I can’t stand. For lifting my arms when I cannot raise them. For reminding me of scripture when my brain cannot recall the words. Prayer is everything, for I have been without guidance, support, and advice for a long time on this journey, fighting what seemed invisible. So many closed doors, so much disinterest, even condescension and ridicule. Your love sustains me and I feel the love of the Lord through you. Even when I am quiet and cannot find the strength or words to communicate, knowing you are out there means the world. Thank you for your grace when I cannot communicate.

I wasn’t planning on starting with that, but there you go. Before heading into surgery I thought I should send an update on the intake yesterday…

Often I feel like my heart is racing at random intervals, more so since last week, it will pick up out of the blue and just take off at a gallop. So, going through poking and prodding wasn’t the most ideal. Not what most of us would choose as a way to spend their day. Jeff and I were met at the clinic and escorted in. I signed my life away and then was taken to have a 3D CT scan of my head. My heart acted up as I stood with my hands on two bars and a machine moved around me. I took deep calming breaths, found the resilience to stay standing and tried to calm my crazy heart rate. Immediately after, we met with the surgeon. I sat alongside Dr Fernandez and Jeff stood behind me holding my back, encouraging me as we proceeded through the meeting. We could see the full 3D scan of my head… all the bones, the wires, the plates, and the cavitations. Dr Fernandez walked us through what he saw. He hasn’t seen a jaw plate like mine in quite some time… it’s quite pre-historic. In Europe, surgeries like this have the metal removed within three months. Insurance pays for it going in and coming out as that is standard practice. I’ve had mine for 37 years. What life would have been like without it… The metal I have is known to be corrosive and highly, highly interactive with electro magnetic signals. We were told that someone with a head full of “modern metals” now adays, would still not have the reactivity I do with just one jaw plate. The plate is supposedly thick. The screws may have to be drilled out causing heat and the removal of more bone. Platelet rich plasma will be spun from my own blood and placed over the bone to allow for bone regrowth in the areas of trauma. The wires in my chin will likely be the most difficult to remove as they were installed in a figure eight pattern, like a twist tie, wrapped through the bone. I have four of them. The surgeon said he would not give up until he had them out. And for the new discovery of the cavitations…even I could see one on the scan. There is a huge pocket of abscess and necrotic tissue on the upper right hand jaw bone. The cavitations have caused open areas in my bone. Whether these cavitations over all my wisdom tooth areas were caused by the electrical battery signals in my jaw, no one knows. All we know is that my wisdom teeth, upon development, died and formed necrotic tissue. All four wisdom tooth areas have infections and will need to be removed. I wonder if the constant headaches and puffy feeling in the back of my skull is the infected fluid trying to make its way out of my body, but it has built up over time and cannot get out.

The surgeon is encouraging and practical. He was definitive in his assessment that I would have the obvious illnesses and conditions I have based on what he saw in the scan. He has had patients in wheelchairs that could get out once the metals and infections were removed. His hope is that I will feel significantly better quickly, but it will still take at least six months to a year to start trying to get the metal out of my blood. First I have to gain some resilience back as the removal process can be taxing on the body.

I will be intubated during surgery. If any allergic reactions happen I will at least have oxygen. This isn’t quite the answer I would fully hope for, but its something. Every time my body has a reaction it will remember the allergen and be stronger in subsequent exposures. Hopefully with a potential glorious outcome, and my body becoming stronger, this will not be an issue. I will spend the night in the hospital and be re-assessed at 8am tomorrow. Food will continue to be a concern and an issue as I will only be able to drink fluids for the first three days, and then soft foods for the next four. As my diet is limited to lettuce, chicken, and rice…. their recommendations of me making a smoothie are a stretch . I also need to drink it cold… so … cold chicken smoothie anyone? The histamines are an ongoing issue as I can’t have anything hot or too warm in my mouth. Cooling food off will cause histamine growth… I usually have to eat as soon as something comes off the stove. We shall see what we can work with for sustenance as the time comes. It was a worry even while planning. So that would be another prayer request.

The meeting with the surgeon was an encouragement for Jeff as well as he feels I am in good hands. This is a blessing as it will be difficult for him to wait through surgery. The surgeon doesn’t know how long the surgery will be. It can be as little as 3 hours or extend hours further if the metal is difficult to remove.

After meeting with the surgeon I had my teeth pummelled with a water jet cleaner, the hygienist had a fancy gizmo to record my teeth from the inside, and an antibiotic was placed under my skin for testing. Next photos were taken of my teeth and, given I did not get a skin reaction to the antibiotics were set up for an iv drip of my first round of antibiotics. Half way through my heart decided to take another gallop, so concerned on an arrhythmia reaction Jeff called in the nurse. Everything calmed down and we were able to proceed. Prayerfully (please ask) all medications during surgery will be accepted by my body, as well as successfully eliminated by my body when they are no longer needed.

Before leaving, Jeff and I talked to Tatiana, who is half Canadian, as she guided us on post surgical material. We have had some issues with the air b&b we are staying in, only in that the wifi is very strong and there is a heavy mold smell in the air, so my body is struggling. We discussed this with Tatiana as she is our resource for guidance in everything pertaining to our stay. All the local hotels are booked for a big conference so we will carry on, and hopefully after surgery I will not be as reactive to mold and wifi. that would be the plan regardless, as the burden will be gone! Beyond that, the gentleman on staff at our location is trying to bend over backwards to my needs, but understandably, I am difficult to comprehend to an English speaking person. My challenges are even more difficult in another language, and Marcus is not at all proficient in English.