Day Six - February 13, 2026

So, only one small therapy today, and no visit with the doctor. I did manage some communication with the clinic director about my week and hopes for the next two weeks. Next week Wednesday I am to try the Extracorporeal Blood Oxygenation and Ozonation Therapy and my prayer is this goes fantastic for me and my body will champion through it splendidly, as, if I can manage it, it holds great promise for removing the bad stuff from my body. Issues with breathing persisted strongly again today. I went to the nurse to have her check my vitals, she’s not concerned about lung blood clots, so I will keep going and hope the treatment eases the difficulties soon.

Jeff and I talked this morning on the way to the clinic about being vulnerable. I’ve always hoped that my journey in someway would somehow help someone else, to have a purpose. But exposing the rawness of the journey can be hard. It opens you up to judgement and criticism on one side, and on the other I know there is so much hurt in the world and I am sadly not alone in that journey, so why mention my own hurts. Also, with so many supporting me, there’s that human but silly side of me that doesn’t want to let anyone down.

This week has been hard. The pain continues, the doubt continues, the struggle to breathe and stay alive continues. I search daily for answers in the hopelessness. I talk to God. I talk to Jeff. But I keep holding on. I have had more than one doctor tell me I should be dead by now… . And yes, it’s hard to keep going, but I know down to the very soles of my feet, that I could not have done this journey without God. Pure and simple and straight up, that’s the truth. I understand I guess why its so important for me to share, even though I never journal, and because of what I am going through… I don’t communicate well. So I will try to be vulnerable, I don’t always let you know how bad the days are, and I probably will still hold that closer than necessary. But because of those days, I treasure beyond all things, your prayers, and I thank you.

On the good days I run this race with endurance… on the bad days I feel like a drunken sailor stumbling along, confused and disoriented. I don’t often feel human and it takes effort to feel like I can communicate effectively. But I’m still standing, and I imagine I am gaining character, although sometimes I lose hope, but I do know that God’s love has been poured out into my heart through the Holy Spirit.

I’ve been reflecting on God’s light in the darkness. Light beats darkness every time, all the time, without fail. Turn on your flashlight when you can’t find your way in the darkness, the light wins. Flick on your headlights on a dark country road, the light wins. Give your kids a bunch of flashlights and ask them if any part of their world stays dark when you introduce light. The light always wins. There is no reason to fear the darkness. Light wins and we have that light. It dwells within us. Maybe this sentiment will help others. I try to remember myself and I know its not easy. (Look up John 8:12)

Flashback to the cardinals from my first message… both Jeff and I in our human brains still thought… maybe the cardinals live here and we’ll see them all the time. Did God really send them? We saw so many. We have not seen one since, it seems they came just the one day when I needed to see them the most.. It’s surreal, hard to acknowledge its real, but I will never forget seeing them, and God’s presence in them. I hear him say, “I’ve got you Maria.”

Jeff and I look forward to rest over the next two days. It’s much needed. No appointments or poking or prodding. No unexpected reactions which are so fatiguing and alarming. Just resting.

I received this song by Anne Wilson - God Story from a friend and listened to it tonight. The line, I am only one prayer away from a testimony resonates with what I wrote today and I wanted to share. Its true. Prayer is powerful. It just takes one prayer for healing. To show God’s powerful hand. Creating a powerful testimony. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lk_9IbmDQs